Gerbil Attack!
Commentary: On
December 26, 2010 ~ 8 Comments
This elaborate mockup turned out to be the work of James Rice. He put a lot of research into it, I have to say.
December 26, 2010 ~ 8 Comments
December 26, 2010 ~ 8 Comments
Oh yeah, I forgot about this. As near as I can remember, the town, the mall, the newspaper, and even the reporter’s name were swiped for this hoax. Even the license plate on the car was taken from a photo of an Ohio car. That’s Speedy posing as Dana, (really, who can tell), in a co-worker’s scratch built tank. I did send it to Shaenon anonymously, and only confessed to it months later. I don’t remember why.
You don’t remember why? Because it’s a hella freakin’ cool thing to do, that’s why! Honestly, Speedy lives a life that I could only aspire to in my wildest dreams. I mean, am I ever going to meet Stephen Hawking? Of course not, but Speedy has. Can I be Speedy when I grow up? Or you?
And for Boxing Day, a tune by Frank Loesser, the Bard of Winter (he also wrote “Baby, it’s cold outside”): “What are you doing New Year’s Eve?”
Ferret or gerbil, hamster or a rat
Whatever, I’m not getting close to that
What is it doing in a
In a tank?
It’s terrorizing lovely Midway Mall
Quick, give Security the code-red call
Must stop this menace in a
In a tank
Maybe I’m crazy to suppose
Narbonic Lab did this, but it made those
Gigantic gerbils that ate the mayor and
Robbed a bank
I would say Dana looks like the next front
It’s the invasion of the angry runt
Menacing us from in a
In a tank
Won’t someone save Elyria, our pride
From a great mob of rodents all wild-eyed
Or must we flee from Dana
In a tank?
Oh dear.
You want Frank Loesser? You got him …
(TUNE: “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”, Frank Loesser)
I went to the store …
You fools, I’ll destroy you all!
Ain’t seen this before!
You fools, I’ll destroy you all!
A gerbil or squirrel …
I’m gonna destroy the world!
It’s so darn small …
I’ll rule you all, at least this mall!
While on my way to the grocer,
Careful, now, don’t come closer!
It tried to obstruct my path …
Cower or face my wrath!
I simply walked on around,
Bravely, I stand my ground!
I’m in a rush today!
Darn, another one got away!
Hey, watch where you go!
Surrender or you’ll be killed!
You’re moving so slow …
Hey, this took me hours to build!
It must be a prank,
My replica Leopard tank …
Some kind of joke!
Now all my plans go up in smoke!
I got too much stuff to do …
I’m gonna conquer you!
So long, it’s been really fun …
Holy crap, the cops, I must run!
It kinda was cool …
Stop laughing, you fool!
DANA will rule you all!
@Ed: This particular fool can’t stop laughing.
And this is exactly the reason why the some-day-in-the-future Skin Horse Director’s Cut *must* include filk song for each day. Preferably with links that play the melodies so readers can sing along.
wow ,it is so cool.